Anastacia’s second fight



Singer Anastacia has had to cancel her European Tour after being diagnosed with Breast Cancer for the second time in ten years. What her statement doesn’t say is if this is a reoccurrence of the first cancer or a new case. Fingers crossed that she has found it quickly and she’ll be fit and well again soon.

For me that is the scary thing. It’s been even and a half years now since I faced my own experience with cancer and when that phrase “all clear” is used you assume that you are finished – in my experience you are just a few steps along the path. I had teratoma cancer of the testicle and because this is an aggressive form of cancer the doctor was concerned and had me in the operating theatre within days. I caught it in the very early stages and the consultant decided to take a risk and not treat me beyond the operation – no chemo or radiotherapy. For the first year after the operation I was back in every month, the second year every second until now when I am just in once a year for an x-ray and blood tests. The fear was it could appear in the other teste or start travelling through my body in an inverted triangle to stomach, lungs and ultimately brain.

Around a year or so after the initial diagnosis I started getting really bad headaches and the doctor got me straight up to the hospital where the CAT scan, X-ray, blood tests and full body exam took place. I was so frightened that the battle I thought I had won was not the war, just a fight survived. Fortunately it wasn’t the cancer and now I’m sure that they are just symptoms of the anxiety I suffer from. That reminder set me back further than I realised and it took me a long time to come to terms with things again.

The scariest part is walking back into the clinic each time; it doesn’t matter if it is a month or a year later you are reminded that you had cancer and there is still a chance you could get it again. I now have little chance f the same cancer coming back which is why I wonder is Anastacia is facing  new battle or round two. The latter would worry me more I think because you’re dragged back into those emotions and doubt that you have when faced with such a proposition.

I still worry that I’ve not escaped altogether and that my victory only bought me some more time. Statistically I know I’m pretty safe but it doesn’t stop it from preying on your mind. It does fly in the face of the notion you have been given a “second chance” because for me and many like me who survive this illness we know that there truly is only one chance and we are lucky to have it.



Enough’s enough Robbie


Robbie Williams performs during the 2013 Brit awards at the 02 arena in London on 20 February 2013.

“I got on stage and turned around and looked at a dead hall,” said Williams “I’m not saying that I was amazing at the Brits either”

Mr Williams has written a song about how dull the Brits 2013 were. He complains about everyone thinking they’re something when they’re not and that there was no atmosphere. Robbie I’ve defended you time and again but you are getting to the point where your mouth and ego have moved so far ahead of your ability I can’t do that anymore.

This was a night where Ben Howard, Mumford and Sons, Emeli Sande and Justin Timberlake all put on great performances compared to your very dodgy one regardless of the “audience” because that’s what a professional singer does – their job. To your credit you admit as much yet still go into sulky Rob mode and write a song about it which defeats the humility you could have shown. Justin Timberlake showed that it is about the performance and he put on a show for the audience – not worried if they were the public in the arena, at home or the suits on the tables. Don’t moan about it, maybe you just need to up your game a bit.

I’ve seen you live twice once in a solo gig at Hampden and then summer 2011 at Wembley Stadium when you rejoined Take That for the Progress album and tour. You’re not really my cup of tea live as you spend more time asking the audience to sing your songs while you pose and make faces – I’d paid to hear you perform not a bunch of screaming menopausal women. You are a better recording artist than a live performer for me. I have often said that you have written and recorded some great pop songs from Feel to Let me Entertain you, Hot Fudge to Candy there are some tunes that I will listen to for years to come but you don’t seem to know when to shut up and just get on with it.

You are part of our music history and have achieved a lot, but just because a gig doesn’t go your way don’t blame the audience. That is only a small part of it. To have a pop at the Brits who have generously given you air time and awards is just petty and childish. This was a bit of fun between you and Guy Chambers and not to be sent out for the public to hear, I hoped that you were both better than that.

Ego, bravado and arrogance are only a part of being a successful singer – you also need to deliver when it’s time to perform. Do me a favour and work on that for next time and see if you can sing a whole song on your own for once.


Bankers’ Bonus Bullshit



A provisional bill has been passed in the EU declaring that Bankers (yes remember them, we hate them) should only be allowed to earn a bonus equal to their base annual wage – double is shareholders agree. Boris isn’t happy, Dave isn’t happy and bankers aren’t happy.

Well Boo-fucking-hoo.

It’ll drive away all the experts to other banks internationally. Okay see ya. Where are they going to go if America has already put a cap on things there and this edict covers the whole of Europe then they can’t all get jobs in Tokyo. I say we call their bluff.

This is in a day when the government says that even though it lost £5.2 billion RBS group still paid out over £600 million in bonuses. Can I ask at what point losing £5,200,000,000 is worth a bonus when the bank in question is still partly owned by us the tax payer? How about giving the treasury that money you greedy bastards? No wonder Dave and Boris are unhappy, all their big chums that they went to private school with are bankers and money men and they know the hassle they’ll get the summer’s polo matches and regattas.

“The banking sector has changed” – no it hasn’t, it’s just they haven’t f*cked up as much recently so there hasn’t been any major news on it. Bankers are still pocketing stupid amounts of money for gambling while front of house in the high street division you can’t get any decent rates of interest on savings or any money lent at a reasonable rate. They are still taking the piss and we’re going to fall for it all over again. I get the fact that there has to be trading and horseplay in the markets for them to succeed and make profit blah blah, but until the dividing wall between my hard earned money and the money they are gambling with is up then there should be more risk free trading and an overall cautious approach. Do I get a bonus if my pupils pass their exams? No I get a wage to do a job – that’s the deal.

To those that say I don’t understand it here’s my response:

In the second half of the last decade banks across the world made the biggest cock up since the 1920s crash that brought on the depression. We have all suffered pay freezes or cuts, our bills have still risen, our services are being cut right across the board, child poverty in the UK is up, the most vulnerable in society such as the disabled are having benefits cut, our soldiers on the front line are not getting a proper wage or the equipment to help them fight wars they didn’t start, young people can’t afford to get on the property ladder, old people can’t afford to retire, pension funds are empty because of twenty years of lies, embezzlement and risky investments, hospitals are closing across the country, children don’t have basic textbooks in schools, more young people are in long term unemployment, people cannot afford to heat their homes and eat so they ‘re having to choose between them, the roads are a mess, petrol is at an all time high and the cost of living has gone through the roof.

But as long as the poor bankers are allowed to make ten times their annual wage while having side-stepped all the problems that they caused the rest of the country to suffer in – then that’s all right isn’t it.



Beware the Charity Shop Daemons!


pat robinson

American TV evangelist Pat Robinson has warned about the possibility that clothes and items bought from second hand stores could contain daemons. The elderly fruitcake made the remarks on Monday night’s 700 club in the US when asked if a girl should pray over her clothes that she bought from “Goodwill” a store that sells donated clothes. Don’t worry though he did say it was unlikely that the daemons would live in those specific jumpers but it never hurts to be safe. He did go on to explain that the idea comes from the fact that he knew someone who bought a ring from a thrift shop that had been cursed by a witch.

You couldn’t make this shit up could you? Right now Oxfams and Sue Ryders must be getting exorcists in just in case the turtle neck sweater turns 360 degrees and spouts pea soup from the neck hole or checking the soles of shoes for three sixes. I know I shouldn’t be annoyed by these sorts of things, but I worry these people are allowed on TV to tell the already fragile viewers that their clothes might be possessed.

There must also be concern for those women and men who are into the vintage look at the moment because those items of clothing could also be “Infected” by evil spirits. Perhaps that explains why Paloma Faith is always so quirky, perhaps she has been taken over by the ghost of a 1940s spirit.

I wonder if this applies to new clothes as well, because there’s nothing stopping a witch or sorcerer going in to high street stores and cursing random items of clothing that don’t fit properly or don’t suit them. Next time you go to try on clothes in the changing rooms of a sop make sure that there are no imps or gargoyles hiding in the seams or turn up on trousers. Men need to keep an eye out when left outside the cubicles – fellas if you see anyone looking like Grotbags or Voldemort coming out from behind the curtains having sworn or moaned while in there, make the customer service advisor aware and they can spray holy water on it.

As a child I had several hand-me-downs from my older cousin who has recently “found God” – I didn’t know he was missing – and has joined one of those happy clappy churches. My concern is that he’s trying to get rid of daemons he has been carrying around with him over the last few years – could I be next? Quick, where’s my tambourine…



“Statistics are just like Mini-Skirts…



…they give you good ideas but hide the most important thing” Ebbe Skovdahl

A great quote from the former Aberdeen and Brondby manager. We, the general public, suffer from a severe case of Social Desirability Bias. We lie, so many surveys you read on the big subjects like sex, drugs and alcohol are often untrue. We want to be seen to eat the right food, want to be cool enough to listen to the right radio station or band, we want to claim we’ve had more sexual partners than we actually have – and what for? An anonymous survey that doesn’t matter.

It is understandable that people will lie about these things either face to face or over the phone, but to make it up when there is no record of your specific involvement seems strange. Social scientists say that we do it all the time to try and fit in or to convey what we think is the norm to sound socially acceptable.

Food and Drink cause us to lie a lot. If I asked you how many chocolate bars you had in the last 7 days you’d work it out roughly and halve it, same with units of alcohol. It’s like we’re scared we’ll be caught out or something. If you consider we live in the most obese country in Europe is it worth telling porkies about that when it’s obvious that we eat more than our fair share. With drink most people know that they drink too much, or binge in one session but we rarely admit it because we know the guidelines of acceptability. On one of my rare night’s out I could easily drink 4 or 5 days worth of units without thinking.

Sex is probably the worst though. We all want to say we’re more active than we are because we’re scared that someone else is having more fun than us in the bedroom. We also want to increase the amount of partners we’ve had just to look , more experienced or worldly-wise. I still remember a survey that came out that said that the average time it took to have sex was 27 minutes – 27 minutes? I can get an episode of The Simpsons and cup of tea and sex done in that time.

Whether it’s a case of keeping up with the Jones’s or wanting to give the right answer we are only adding to our own misery because if we all lie in these surveys then when they are published we all realise we’re not as healthy, sober or sexy as we thought and the wheel turns again.



Raped girl is punished for pre-marital sex


What do you think when you hear about the Maldives? Sun, blissful peace and beautiful scenery? Or a group of islands that believe it is right to punish a 15-year-old girl for being raped and having her child murdered by its father?

It sounds like a sick plot from a gritty movie but sadly it isn’t. The girl was raped by her step-father and she had his child which he then killed. She is being prosecuted for having under age sex. The step-father is up on these charges and the girl’s mother is also being charged with not reporting the crime. How can this still be happening in the 21st Century?

Amnesty International are campaigning to ensure this becomes well publicised as it appears the government of the Maldives is not doing anything about it. Her punishment is 100 lashes which she can take now if she requests them or she can wait until she turns 18. Well how generous is that, you can be sexually abused by your new father, forced to carry and have his child only for him to kill that baby and you are the one that is punished.

Sharia Law is used in some of the archipelago alongside English Common Law, but it is the severe lack of common sense that is the real crime here. The girl in question is effectively under house arrest in a children’s home until they decide on the next step of her punishment.

There may be more to this story as it is intimated that she has had a sexual relationship beyond her enforced one with her step-father, but the main issue would be that she has been physically and psychologically damaged yet the courts are not stepping in to ensure that those problems are solved – they only appear to be interested in punishing a child who has already undergone all the punishment a human should ever have to.

To find out more about supporting Amnesty in this or other cases take a look at their website at

And sign the petition at to let the Maldive Government know how you feel.


Seeing Jesus in all kinds of shit


jesus turd

Jim Lawry of Ohio has decided that the bird shit on his windscreen looks like Jesus. Don’t worry I’ve got this one.

Why do people keep seeing things in the world that aren’t there? Jesus in a baguette, on a slice of toast, as a cornflake, in a cloud, on a naan bread. As you well know I’m not a religious man, but I’d hazard a guess that if Christ did exist and decide to make contact with us again I doubt it would be through a food stuff or the excrement of a passing bird. Even if he did what do you think he’s trying to tell you from the inside of a crisp packet or in knots on the side of a tree? If he truly was the son of god do I would think he might appear somewhere more useful like at the Superbowl, or the Olympics or at Eurovision where he had a worldwide audience that he could spread his word at – he’s not going to get far by appearing to one person at a time.

If there was a deity then surely they would appear in things of beauty and in big public places – ones that won’t vanish because of a rain storm or a sell-by date. Well what about the weeping statues of the Virgin Mary? Firstly she wasn’t a virgin, that’s a misunderstanding of the new testament, and secondly last year it was discovered in South America that some statues were actually leaking from the drains and sewers that someone had placed them on top of purely to boost tourism. Yes because stone can cry you know – next you’ll be telling us that Jesus was on the Roman version of Ready Steady Cook when he emptied his bag with five loaves and a couple of fish (not fishes you illiterate numpties – the plural is still fish) and fed the audience several times over with tuna sandwiches left over.

The main question here would be why do people want to see Jesus in these obscure things – what does it do for them? Jim Lawry believes it was a sign for him that this message was left on his windscreen. I would suggest that perhaps if Jim has enough time in his life to closely examine bird shit on his car, the message is to go and get a hobby and not waste the precious years you’ve been given of life.


PS if you tilt your head to a 43 degree agle to the right you’ll see a hidden image in this blog…






PPS if you believe that you’re a bigger idiot than Jim was.