Stop it now! I don’t want to know anything about it! Why would you spoil it for me? Spoilers are evil and should be stopped immediately. Why do I need to see the Doctor hanging from Tardis in Trafalgar Square on my Facebook Timeline? Why would I want a clue to who the murderer is in Broadchurch? And why would you want to tell me who dies when in soaps?

I know this is not a new phenomena but it’s a f*cking annoying one to say the least. Newspapers, websites, social media, TV and radio are all conspiring to take the surprise out of everything. Then there’s the annoying prick that tells you the ending of the film before you go to see it. Why? There are so few surprises left in life that it would be nice to pick up a book or watch a film without already knowing everything about it. What do these people think hey are adding to our lives by ruining things for us – it doesn’t make you look more intelligent it just makes you irritating.

Film trailers these days are terrible, for many of them you don’t need to see the whole film as most of it has already been given away in the two-minute promo. By showing too much in the preview you spend the film wondering where the scenes came from and start to work out the storyline or the twist. Then there are the press junkets and interviews where the stars have to try to explain what the film is about to try to get bums on seats – and more often than not if you read or see a couple of these the plot’s out of the bag.  Some of my favourite films involve a cracking twist like Usual Suspects, The Village or Se7en are all great because you don’t know what’s happening next.

Can you imagine for a second how different Hitchcock’s classic Psycho would have been if we all knew who died 45 minutes in with the shower scene before we saw it? The whole purpose of the scene is to shock the audience and leave them on edge through the rest of the film and that is the joy of film or TV or Books. Books can be terrible as if you are reading a series of books you always know the main character usually survives so it takes the element of danger away – that’s why I love reading a new novel or the last in a series because the unexpected could happen and sometimes does. If it’s a good product we’ll buy into it regardless.

With the 50th Anniversary episode of Doctor Who being filmed at the moment there are another seven months before it will be aired and you know that by then we’ll know every guest star, every surprise and the entire storyline will be public knowledge before it’s shown. That’s a sad thought because I like seeing, hearing or experiencing things for the first time – you never have that initial reaction again. Revisiting texts is something I don’t do often – once I’ve seen or read something I move on because the first impression is by far my favourite.

So as a favour to us mere mortals, can we all agree that we don’t want to know every detail of the big upcoming films or TV shows, don’t tell us who is or isn’t going to survive in a cast cull on our favourite show – in fact don’t tell us there will be a cull, leave it as a surprise. Let us just amble through life at our own pace without signposts telling us each step before we take it please. They are called spoilers for a reason – they spoil our experiences and I’d like to enjoy things without knowing much about them.


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