Is it me? Golf

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golf ball

Firstly I’d like to say that I enjoy watching Golf on TV (Mostly for the older commentators like Peter Alliss who I love listening to) by those who can play it well, but I don’t get the appeal of it as a general hobby. If someone told you “here’s a stick, here’s a ball try and get it in a hole a quarter of a mile away” you’d tell them to piss off – especially when you then have to repeat that another seventeen times! It’s nonsense as an idea and yet again us Scots can take credit for it.

There’s also an image problem with golfers as a group; from their clothes that wouldn’t be seen anywhere else in the world to the “Club” mentality that you don’t even get in the so-called posh sports like polo it’s a bizarre world that I have no interest in at all. It’s still seen as an asset in business to play golf and “entertain” clients by taking them out on the course. I couldn’t think of many activities worse than spending an afternoon golfing – I’d much rather just go for a walk somewhere nice and chat instead.

Over the years with the band I have played at a few golf club dos and each one has the same thing in common – it’s home to an officious arsehole who lacks a sense of humour. These are the secretaries who strut around the building dishing out orders to his underlings (yes it’s always a he) and mingles with the important people. These jumped up little men are not exclusive to golf, but they are a reoccurring feature. These types are also the ones that don’t like players that can’t play on their course – surely people have to learn somewhere?

Then there’s the social climbers; those members who decided to join so they could have important acquaintances when they were out in public. As the great Billy Connolly says those at the top and bottom of society are fine, it’s the f*ckers in the middle that spoil it for everyone. And a huge amount of those middle guys are golf club members.  It involves the bullshit bingo word “Networking” which I hate; didn’t we just used to call that chatting?

Then there’s the overly competitive ones who wave their handicap around like it’s a form of currency. Well done mate, you can hit a ball into a hole in less that five attempts – doesn’t make you a nice person. The competition element continues with those who have to have the latest gear and most advanced tech. A putter that can cook you breakfast, text your wife and putt the ball again doesn’t appeal to me when it cost you a month’s mortgage payment. A round at some of the courses is also ridiculous reaching into three figures and beyond just to hit a ball into a hole on an “exclusive” course.

I know not all golfers are like these people and some just like going out for the occasional game to catch up with their mates, but golf gives these climbing, arrogant, show-offs a home and that makes it a bad thing in my book.

JD

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