The Apprentice



The grumpy human bawbag, the female one from Horrible Bosses and the one who looks like the human male equivalent of Little My from the Moomins are back on our screens tonight with the new series of The Apprentice – the show where if you have a modicum of intelligence you don’t get past the audition stage.

Yes it’s time to welcome sixteen new twats into your living room each making claims so ridiculous that even David Brent would be embarrassed by them. Each is trying to win a £250,000 investment from old Lord Shoogs into their business plan. The show is effectively what would happen if Armando Iannuchi created a mock game show where imbeciles fight for a job. The show is obviously edited to make them all look like total bellends, but I did laugh at Nippy Nick’s proclamation this morning that there were business lessons in each show wrapped up in light entertainment – no really I think of it more as a prolonged root canal operation with no anaesthetic and Steve Martin as the evil dentist from Little Shop of Horrors.

Each week they are given a really simple task like “sell a T-shirt” and invariably they don’t know what a t-shirt is, don’t ask anyone what it is, get confused and forget to sell them, make the design offensive in some way and then one of them gets sacked at the end – usually the wrong one. In the current financial situation you do find yourself wondering how these people ever held a job down in the first place that they gave up to appear on the show – because after we have seen their capabilities they’ll never work again.

Looking at the candidates on the BBC Website ( you do find yourself making early judgements based on their looks, which I am aware is wrong. I do also admit I heard myself whisper “wank, wank, wank, good guy, wank” as I looked at them. You can clearly see who the bitches and knobs are without hearing them speak – but by the end of the episode the Twittersphere will be alive with the first judgements of the public.

Will I be watching then. Yup, always great TV but I’d still argue that it’s got nothing to do with the real business world and that more often than not the right person for the job isn’t even in the show.


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