Free to a good home – 1 Tasmanian Devil

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Taz

This excitable primate will test your patience, your sanity and your home insurance. If afraid of sudden movements and noise this is not a suitable pet for you. Almost house trained and manages to get a minimum of 70% of food in their mouth at meal times, this delightful creature would be the perfect addition to your household. Answers to the name Jenna.

All through the week we have been keeping her awake through the day because she won’t sleep at night otherwise, but today – Sunday – for some reason decided that half past five in the morning was the time to wake and scream and moan and thump her way around the bedrooms waking everyone and leaving behind the trail of bleary eyes in her trail. Someone must be dropping a lot of hats at the moment because she is crying at everyone of them just now – I’m guessing because she’s tired; I feel like joining in.

The other issue is that Jake has worked out he can set her off like an alarm at the moment by singing. Jenna has a strange thing about people singing at her just now and throws a tantrum if it’s not a song she likes or knows – and for heaven’s sake don’t change the words for comedy effect whatever you do or you will have to get new eardrums. Jake, having discovered this fact, is using her as some kind of bizarre experiment in a Pavlovianesque style taking notes at the noises that emanate from her. His lab appears to be at the dining table where he conducts these social experiments over breakfast each morning to the exasperated howls of the creature.

I think with Jenna I’ve finally realised that Daleks would make great parents: devoid of any emotion they can repeat the same phrases numerous times in a loud monotonous voice without getting bored with hearing themselves – mind you the whole mass murder thing might get in the way I think it’s worth a try. It doesn’t seem to matter with Jenna that you’ve told her the same thing ad infinitum she just looks up at you with her big eyes and flutters her eyelashes as if to question your sanity making you doubt you’ve ever given her an instruction in the first place. As soon as you raise your voice beyond normal levels the lip comes out, the breathing shortens and “sawee daddy!” is the refrain for the following ten minutes – sometimes longer if she thinks she can get away with it.

When do they learn to try to manipulate anyway? It’s not learned behaviour so it must be something she was born with. And as cute as the hugs and kisses along with the “love you daddybear” on repeat is, it’s slightly tainted by the snot bubble or greener that she is not massaging into my face with each nuzzle. She seems to be aware of her cuteness and I pity the poor bastard that finally takes her off her hands because the phrase “high maintenance” was never so accurate.

Actually we better just keep her rather than re-home her because she’ll only develop new and even more bad habits that’ll end up with her becoming the evil mastermind that she is training to be.

JD

 

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