Love life tips to ignore


Love tips

I have never been good with a chat up line – I was always the most awkward and nervous when I was trying to speak to girls when I was younger. No matter what I did I rarely plucked up the courage to ask a girl out; thankfully the one I did make an effort with turned out okay.

While surfing the net I came across a guy who is offering all the hints and advice from his vast experience to anyone who will listen on his Reddit site – and some of it is comedy gold. Even if we’d had this advice when I was a teenager I can guarantee I would have been left with more slaps and black eyes than phone numbers. The guy is called Ken Hoinsky but his nom de plume is Tofu Tofu and he has a nine step guide to love and the opposite sex. The full Reddit post can be found here is you have more time:

While some of it is common sense which is fine there are some elements of the blog “Above the Game” that are worrying:

  • He talks about “Breaking rapport” so that girls will know that you’re not scared of rejection. In one piece of advice called “Push/Pull” he gives this advice, “Giving a reward then taking away, repeat ad nauseum. Example: “You’re really beautiful, Natalie. I think you’re the third hottest Natalie I’ve ever met.””

Really? Yes you are probably the third best looking person with your name that I’ve met may not be a one way conversation, if she asks how many Natalie’s you ‘ve met you better have a high number in mind and definitely not less than three.

  • His conversation advice is equally as strange:You: How were your classes today?

    Girl: Not bad.

    You: Cool. Any plans for the summer?

    Girl: Not yet… looks away, disinterested

    You (recognizing the situation): You know, this conversation is boring. Let’s talk about something more exciting.

    Girl: What?

    You: Yeah, let’s mix it up. Here’s a question for you… Why is Japanese porn so weird?

No! Step away. Why would you even try to engage in a conversation about porn, let alone a specific country’s output if you are trying to impress a girl? The line “You know, this conversation is boring. Let’s talk about something more exciting” isn’t the worst idea, but you don’t go in with that as the “exciting” option. Otherwise you will continue to enjoy sex in single figure participation.

  • The final example I’ve chosen is from his body language section which tells us boys that smirking is the way forward: “You know the smirk I’m talking about. The one that makes you think, “That guy intrigues me. I wonder what he’s thinking about.” It’s between “too goofy” and “too serious.” It screams “doesn’t take himself too seriously.” It looks relaxed.” No it doesn’t, it makes you look smug and Piers Morgan is not a pin-up as far as I’m aware.

This fella is using the internet to crowd surf and raise money to get his book on finding a partner fully published. I’d save your money. While I might not be a modern day Casanova, I do know that putting on an act to impress a girl is an issue as the mask will eventually slip. Here’s a simple bit of advice for you lads – if you like a girl ask her out. Yes it is that simple; no cheesy lines, rehearsed patter, fake accent or stance just be yourself and if she’s interested then great. If she’s not then fine don’t worry about it, you wouldn’t have been happy with her if she wasn’t happy with you.

You don’t need websites or books to tell you how to speak to women, you just have to speak to them and see what happens. No mystery or secret that the rest of the lads were told the day you were off school, just talk and listen and take it from there. If you read on in his blog he misses the point completely when he says: “Decide that you’re going to sit in a position where you can rub her leg and back. Physically pick her up and sit her on your lap. Don’t ask for permission. Be dominant. Force her to rebuff your advances.” All I can say is if you try that in a Scottish club you’d better like hospital food.


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