I genuinely find receiving compliments the most socially awkward situation and tonight will not be comfortable as it’s the school’s end of year dinner, and with me leaving there’ll be a few words said by the head teacher about me. Knowing our esteemed leader he’ll probably take the mickey which is fine with me because I really don’t like nice things said – don’t get me wrong I don’t want nasty things said – just a thanks and good luck will do.
I’m sure this would be a psychologist’s dream, but there’s something I find so uncomfortable about these types of situations. I’d much rather not bother and sneak out on Friday without anything, but you’ve got to show face I suppose. I appreciate the sentiment and many people have already said some lovely things to me in the last few weeks that were great but I don’t know how to respond to them – often by being rude and throwing it back at them because I can’t deal with it. I’ll make a joke about it or deny their claim because it feels easier to do that. I think I get this from my dad if I’m honest as he’s not a great man for giving or receiving compliments. When I was younger everyone else used to tell me what dad said as he was as uncomfortable saying it to me himself as it’s just the way he is and I wouldn’t change that, but it has rubbed off on me to a point.
I’m not great at dishing out the compliments either – I’m fine with my own kids but beyond that I always sound false and sarcastic even when I mean it sincerely. The grumpy me that the kids especially are used to would just sound wrong if I turned round and was all “Dead Poets’ Society” with them – I’m not a Mr Schuester and it doesn’t really suit me. I’m okay if I’m writing a card, a text or an email because I don’t have to look at the person and I can really think about what I want to say without stammering and spluttering awkwardly.
Tonight should be okay anyway as I’m the smallest fish in the pond as everyone else has been at the school longer than me so it should be short and sweet – but it will be awkward nonetheless. Only two more days to survive and then I can sneak away.