If I ruled the world: Car Parks


Car Parks

Ventured into town today for the first time in a while and had to enter the deep dark world of the multi-storey car park. It’s like an idiot convention full of people determined not to use the brains they were born with confused by the mechanised metal boxes on wheels. If I ruled the world there would be a few changes:

1. Get rid of those bloody Valet and Car Wash people. I want a space please not a valet – either that or move them up to the top floor of the car park so we can all get a space. The worst one in Aberdeen is the Trinity Centre where there are not that many spaces in the first place. It annoys me because they always bag the best spaces in the building as well on the level you want and the place you want – and I never know if parking there means you have to ay for a wash or not.

2. Make the space around the car bigger. I’m aware of the lack of spaces as it is but trying to get two kids in and out of the car is nigh-on impossible without them brushing up against the vehicle next to ours. Also how are you supposed to get round to put things in your boot when there’s no space. It’s not a huge amount of room we need either – if there were an additional six inches to one foot around the car we’d all get on better.

3. People who take up more than one space. These people need to have their cars towed away for lack of common sense. Often it’s those who have a “fancy” or expensive car so they seem to think that it’s okay for them to park in the middle of two other spaces to protect their pride & joy. Well it’s not – if you are not happy with the facilities jump on the mugglewagon next time to save damaging your precious cock box.

4. Continuing on from that the other group that need to be sorted out are those whose vehicles take up more than one space because of their size. There should be separate spaces for Chelsea tractors and people carriers because they nearly always end up either sticking out into the road or edging forward into another space leaving you sticking out instead. They need their own floor so they can all bugger off together.

5. Machines – why is there only one per floor in these places and why do they never accept the last coins you have available to you? Let’s say you have to pay £2.20 and you have only got three one pound coins to pay it with – without fail one of those coins will not be accepted by the machine no matter how you put it in the machine. Gently, with force, after rubbing it up against the machine – nothing. You are aware of the eyes on the back of your neck wishing you’d get a move on but there’s nothing you can do. There should be several machines per floor to stop this problem of the angry queue.

6. Why are the barriers/bumpers around the edge of the building so low and painted dull colours? Paint them a bright or reflective colour so we can see when we are getting close to the wall please and even better why not put some kind of foam on them so you don’t dent your car if you go too far back?

7. Turn on the lights please. Many people hate these Multi-storeys and are scared of them especially at night because the lighting is so poor. The amount you charge for a space you can afford a brighter set of light bulbs.

8. If you don’t have kids or a Blue Badge, stop parking in the designated bays for those people. If you do park there without the badge or car seat we should have the right to remove your car or your legs to solve the problem.

9. Parents will you please keep a hold of your darling little children in car parks instead of allowing them to run around them as it it’s a maze or assault course? If you hold their hand and give them a bollocking you might find fewer people give you dirty looks too.

10. Finally the hoverers. These are the idiots that go really slowly round braking every two seconds in the off-chance someone is heading to their car to release a space. Unless it’s a Saturday in December I can almost Guarantee if you bothered to drive up another floor or two you’ll discover the dozens of spaces there are there instead of annoying everyone else behind you.





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