Do as you’re told


billboard migrant

Well another stroke of genius by the powers that be by using giant billboard vans to drive around deprived areas of London with signs telling those there illegally to “Go Home or face arrest”. Excellent work there from all concerned at the Home Office; money well spent. It’s always worked in the past when we are told to do or not to do something we always comply because we are that stupid.

Remember how everyone gave up drugs in the 1980s when Grange Hill and Nancy Reagan teamed up to “Just say No”? It was a great day for both countries as the use of illegal and legal highs stopped almost immediately – much in the same way AIDS disappeared around 1985 because of a mass media campaign and tax fraud ended after the arrest of Lester Piggott in 1987. Wow weren’t the eighties great for stopping all the social ills of the day? Some have nothing good to say about them either!

Then there was that amazing time when we could all shop our nearest an dearest in the 2000s for a cash reward if we knew they were illegally claiming benefits – we made £30 off of the government for shopping Aunt Phyllis for giving hand jobs for tenners behind the bins of Zuu whilst claiming disability allowance. Halcyon days. I think the most success the government had was when they came up with the idea of “Knock off Nigel” to dissuade people from illegally downloading and copying films and music. Since that campaign Sony are now the third richest country in the world since the problem stopped.

Pardon? Tone of Sarcasm? Not at all – I mean you all stopped sneezing in lifts because of SARS, you avoided eating Beef ever again after CJD, Foot in Mouth and the Horsemeat scandal, you always fasten your seatbelts because Jimmy Savile told you to Clunk Click every trip and you have never, ever even considered being racist after Martin Luther King made his famous “Dream” speech. No us Brits especially are so well trained to do as we are told.

Then there may be a slight issue with these billboards because old Johnny Foreigner might not follow their instructions because they haven’t fully settled into our way of compliant life. Also the fact they perhaps cannot speak or read English might cause issues – but never fear the local branch of EDL are on street corners telling everyone of a skin tone at least two shades darker than anyone on TOWIE to “Go back to where they came from” which is terribly useful. The Muslims love a strict law so you can imagine they will be the first to pack their things up and head off, followed by the Eastern Europeans who might think there’s work back home again because we wrote it on a poster for them.

You just wonder what the police are doing really wasting their time investigating things. If only they followed this great idea and put up a poster saying something like “You killed this person here last Tuesday now you will hand yourself in, there’s a good murderer” then the clean up rates would soar. Similar campaigns with burglaries, rape and anti-social behaviour will be rolled out next. Nightclubs must be feeling the pinch now every alcohol advert has the phrase “Please drink responsibly” written on it and now no-one smokes because everyone knows it kills nightclubs must be great fun. With the lights up and music turned down for health and safety reasons – that’s why there are so many photographers in clubs now, their flashes combine to ensure lighting level is at EU regulation standard. Also it allows us to check that the underage laws that we’ve all complied with for years are still being observed.

No one can be in any doubt that all of these strokes of genius have kept us all on the straight and narrow now for decades here in the UK. Your mum was right you know – do as you’re told and there won’t be any problems. She read that on a government poster you know.



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