Good but strange day so far – I managed to get a few things done that I’d been putting off for a few weeks and glad I have ticked them off my list.
The big one was to go to the Doctor and see if there was anything that could be done with regard to the mood swings and the recent struggle against the depression. He’s referred me back to the clinical psychologist so hopefully I’ll get sorted sooner rather than later. I was really nervous about going in to speak to him – I always am when it’s about my head, I think that at the back of my mind (excuse the pun) he will think there’s nothing wrong with me or laugh at me and ask me to leave. None of which is the case. It’s always the same with invisible illnesses, as it was with the cancer to large extent – a lump and no more.
The biggest problem with mental health is that diagnosis seems to be trial and error as much as anything else; even for the professionals who deal with it day in, day out. My experience so far has ben largely textbook getting the Depressive Disorder diagnosis after around 3/4 years of being on the medication and trailing back and forth to the surgery throughout that time. I think I’m starting to come out the other side of this dark period as my brain is beginning to de-fog and the ideas are buzzing around my head again. The big one being the re-launch of myself as an entertainer.
After yesterday’s blog I had a great reception and reaction to the polls – still open under “JD – The Singing DJ” if you have five minutes – and have pretty much decided to get back in the saddle after over a year out of it. I now need to consider what I want to do, where I could work and the kind of song list I want to perform. Some of that might be determined by the venues and types of bookings I get. I know that my love of soul will play a part but the freedom to choose any song I like (within reason) is hugely appealing.
In a band there needs to be a general consensus, an agreement on songs that would suit the band and the types of gigs. Now I have the option of picking my own choices with only me to worry about – apart from my audience of course. Whereas before a rehearsal was needed, and trying to get everyone together was never the easiest, I can throw new songs in whenever they are released or if I fancy them at the time. That is really appealing to me and has got me thinking more positively about the return to the music stage. I also want to have something to look forward to after “Avenue Q” finishes in February – I need to keep busy as it stops me dwelling on the problems and darker side of my personality.
So from starting off on a down and nerves of the visit to the quack – I’m now feeling quite positive with a new project lined up for next year. As soon as I make my decisions I’ll let you know.