Independence Referendum – A Metaphor

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There are some people still confused about the upcoming referendum and the consequences involved. Here is a (overly stretched) metaphor that may help some of our friends on the Yes campaign to understand our position on this side of the argument.

Yes: Ah I see you have cake.

No: Yes I do, thanks.

Yes: Would a like a special piece of cake – much better than yours!

No: Erm, I quite like this cake. It’s not perfect but I’m enjoying it.

Yes: Oh well don’t worry our cake’s better

No: In what way?

Yes: Well, it has great sponge.

No: Well this sponge is good.

Yes: But is it?

No: Yes, it’s fine.

Yes: You’re so negative – do you hate our cake?

No: What?

Yes: With its special icing and butter cream filling and local jam

No: My cake has all that already and I’m fine with it. I’d rather just have this cake. Thanks for the offer though.

Yes: You hate cakes, you won’t let people have a choice of cakes will you?

No: Erm, I didn’t know my cake was causing you so much trouble. If people want a choice they are welcome to it.

Yes: Good. So you agree that not liking our cake makes you cakist. You ready to swap then?

No: Can I see your cake first?

Yes: No.

No: Can you tell me more about it?

Yes: Oh certainly it is exactly the same cake as you are eating, but it’s better.

No: How?

Yes: Just is, and it’ll cost you more or less than your current cake – not currant cake – but current cake

No: But I’m happy having paid for this cake to enjoy it.

Yes: You’re wrong there. You have been told your cake is good, but you haven’t tried our cake.

No: No I haven’t but you can’t show me the cake, you can only tell me it’s what I’ve already got and it might cost more or less. Why would I want your cake?

Yes: Because it’s better – I’ve tried your cake. Didn’t like it. Now I’m proposing making a new one…

No: Hold on you haven’t made the cake?

Yes: No, but having looked at several other cakes I can assure you it will be affa tasty.

No: How do you know?

Yes: Oh it just will. Trust me. It’s a local cake – that makes it better.

No: Haven’t you tried to take my cake before?

Yes: Oh yes on several occasions, but this time we’re convinced that this is THE cake. We’ve got some great recipes and are ready to bake.

No: How long will that take?

Yes: Oh initially 18 months to bake and even then we have to agree with the current suppliers – not the currant suppliers – but the current suppliers that we can have the same ingredients.

No: You don’t know what your ingredients are?

Yes: Of course not that has to be negotiated. Are you simple?

No: You want me to give up my cake that I have, to have your cake that isn’t made, hasn’t got all the ingredients, you have no deal with the supplier, and you have no guarantee it will be ready or good.

Yes: Yes.

No: No thanks.

Yes: Cakist!

The End.

JD

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