Sitting on the sixth floor looking out across the city, out towards Altens across the businesses and potential employers becomes more depressing with each day that passes. I sit and watch the sun rising and setting from the desk which means driving in and out of town in the dark. Ultimately I’m bored, I’ve come to the end of the line in this particular field as the road above doesn’t interest me and a sideways move has already proved to me that the problem’s not just the location but the vocation. Can someone shine a light in my direction?
Probably not because there are very few people truly happy in their jobs – it’s a means to an end for the majority of us; we need to pay the mortgage, the fuel bills, telephones both land and mobile, council tax etc. It surprises me that there are so few people pleased with what they are doing and want a change. I always think of my Dad and how he talks about having done his job for the best part of half a century now and he’s not really enjoyed much of it. He loves the company of the guys at work and the banter they have, but the job he could leave behind quite happily – he’s been that way for as long as we’ve ever spoken about it and I promised myself I wouldn’t get like that. Now here I am at thirty-five looking at the business end of a thirty year stretch of education if I can’t get out.
Several people I’ve spoken to over the years strongly agree that teachers have a shelf life – a prime, not like Jean Brodie’s, in which they can be useful and enthusiastic contributors to the profession and beyond that very few are worth having around past ten or fifteen years. You just need to look around at any parents’ night and you can see the educators who have lost the love of the job and have started to hate the school, their subject, the kids and most of all themselves and I don’t want to be that guy. While I’m not in that particular loop I’m still on the edges of it and I can feel the same negative reactions starting to come through. It’s not a hatred of anything yet and really my wanting to leave is to maintain the amazing positives that I have enjoyed in the job and not grow to forget them or replace them with sour or bitter ones instead.
The dream job would be to write – what exactly I don’t know yet, but this blog has opened my eyes to lots of possibilities and styles that I could attempt. That aside it would have to be something that allowed me to be creative like Marketing, PR, Events or even recruitment of some form where it’s about people and ideas but not confined to a repetitive series of hoops that have to be accommodated at each turn. I want to have some freedom to think, and think big at that. Working in Education there are so many barriers to being creative and letting go – the chance for someone to take me away from those restrictions and give me a huge blank canvas to explode creativity on to is really where I want to be. It’s not like I don’t have previous in all my different guises – and huge success in some of them too – but it does rely on someone taking that chance on me that currently no-one appears to be willing to do.
That view from the office window actually makes me feel trapped rather than looking out across the city. It’s a daily reminder of what is out there and what is possible and that I’m not part of it…yet.