TV and the Weather: A Rant



Dear TV

I am a fully grown – probably more fully than I should be – adult, and I have just about had enough of your obsession with the weather. I have managed to reach my mid thirties and am more than aware of what wind is like, I know what rain and snow look like and I also comprehend what a reporter in any of the above situations looks like. Stop putting them together and calling it an outside report when it is obviously f***ing hilarious for you but a complete bore to us.

While you are d*cking about and taking the piss out of the poor junior reporter people’s houses are underwater, others have died in road traffic accidents and things are flying through the air just like a scene from the Wizard of Oz. We get it! Weather is bad. Right – focus on the f***ing stories rather than having a slightly simple creature wading his or her way through some water or cling on o a railing somewhere as children splash about in the background as if it’s a national holiday for the hard of thinking. Here’s an idea if I am clever enough to buy a TV, plug it in and switch it on I will understand the weathery stuff that goes on outside my window.

Weather has always been an obsession for the UK and even the US but the lengths that you now go to as you all force ars*holes n anoraks outside in that bad weather is ridiculous. Here’s another hint for you if I’m inside it’s not bothering me; if I’m out of the house it’s not important you put it on my screen with a very simple game of Where’s Wally; if I’m at home and someone I know is out there in the bad weather do you really think I want to watch all the worst case scenarios be run through like a sick pick of the pops countdown?

And stop using the phrase “Worst since records began” because it can’t always be “worst since records began” sometimes it must be “Bad, but not as bad as last time eh!” Then you cross over to the daftie in front of the weather map to tell us it’s windy and raining – f*ck you boys are on the ball aren’t you! Report the news and then step away – I don’t need wind experts or statistics to tell me how wet a potato would get if held up in the rain or see pictures of rocks getting hit by waves at the seaside. In my opinion if you go down to the seaside in weather like this you deserve anything that happens to you. And that includes the stupid, patronising and gullible reporters and crews.


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