Things that make you go Aaaaaarrrrggggghhhhh!



Well it’s been one of those days again – I know, I’m starting to understand how Jack Bauer and John McLean feel with it always happening to them. Except it’s not about terrorism, the Nagasaki tower, an airport, an assassination attempt or a biological attack – but apart from that, just like them. Today was a day of anger with several things getting on my wick.

First there are those who are moaning about the coverage that Nelson Mandela’s death and subsequent memorial has received. I have already laid out my cards on this one, I think he is one of the greatest men who ever lived. Not everyone agrees. The BBC received 1,350 complaints on Friday about their coverage being excessive – many of those who complained cited the removal of repeated episode of “Mrs Brown’s Boys” as a reason for their upset. Really? Let’s weigh this one up – a pathetic 1970s rip off with the man dressed as a woman and the humour of root canal (without the C if you like) surgery and a tribute to a man who spent his life fighting for the freedom of others through his own incarceration. If this is the standard of intellect then it’s time to pack our backs and start again – this country is finished. I’m a huge fan of “Have I got news for you” but fully understood and agreed that the show I like should be moved in these circumstances. Idiots. I bet the majority are Tories who hated Mandela and complained the BBC didn’t show enough deference to Thatcher when she thankfully went.

Then there are the Christmas shoppers all queuing to get into the multi-storey car parks and John Lewis pick up point. Now unless I have a different calendar to everyone else I have been more than aware of the impending festivities since…well last year’s. Why do so any people still find themselves panic buying two weeks before the date? If it were for food I would understand but these must be items they are going in for that they could have bought any time up to now yet it seemed to escape their mind. And it’s not mostly men as you would presume – especially the queue for Lewis’s is middle-aged women in 4x4s they can’t drive. This coming together of bad time management and shopping leads to traffic jams everywhere around my work and people who get bored with waiting and ignore lanes, lights and other road users.

Comic Relief – my beloved Comic Relief – and their stupidity of allowing the funds they raise to be held in investments that included a portfolio of shares in such companies as Arms dealers, Tobacco companies and Alcohol Makers. All they were missing were Land Mines, Baby Snipers and Malaria Carrying Mosquitos. How could a charity that has done so much good so publicly f*ck such a simple thing like this up? It’s not difficult to choose ethical shares these days and they have enough support that they would be helped if asked. While it’s not a fatal blow to the great work they do, people will think twice about the initial misguided investments and then the terrible PR exercise they rolled out afterwards. They are now looking into it but they must be glad that it’s nearly a year and a half until the next Red Nose Day.

Finally there are those patronising bastards who look down on you as if you don’t understand how the world works – that they are the all-knowing and all-powerful keepers of the font of knowledge that you have and shall never sup from. They are the experts in everything you have ever done and will ever do. You know they’ve been there and done that don’t you? Have they not mentioned it in a repetitive and repetitive and repetitive way every time you find yourself in their company. The head nodding and agreement that comes from you hides the seething hatred for every bone in their pointless little body as you make noises of agreement through gritted teeth and stifled yawns. These toadying, posturing, arrogant, imbeciles are unfortunately usually a pay grade or two further up than you so the daydreams of reducing them to a squashed disc by dropping anvil on them, or hitting a home run by knocking off their heads with a baseball bat, or running them over in a steam roller will remain a dream unless you fancy being on next months Crimewatch – Wile E Coyote section.

Urrggghhhh! Aaarrrrggghhhh! Need a lie down!


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