Automobile F*ckwittery


Well you learn something new everyday!

I was driving down a one way street in the city centre when a red mini was coming towards me way in the opposite direction. Being the helpful fella I am I pointed this out, but bless this menopausal blonde was awfully confused still. I rolled down my window and shouted “it’s a one way street, you’ll have to back up!” but still she sat not moving from the spot. By this time there were a couple of cars sitting behind me wondering what was happening. Even the passers-by and the young guy out having a ciggie from his work looked at this woman oddly.

She decided it was a good time to make a phone call so I got out of my car to point out the error she had made for the umpteenth time. She rolled down her window and I explained the situation. Her response was an unusual one as she asked in that unmistakable whiny central belt tone:

“Are you fae Aiberdeen?”

“Yes,” I replied confused at the relevance of the question

“Well I’m nae so you can back up and let me past”

“It has nothing to do with where you’re from, it’s the highway code and road signs you need to understand. So if you reverse we’ll all get past and you can go the correct way,” I tried to point out. This was a line of argument I hadn’t been expecting – so stupid that it threw me from my standpoint of “being right”. What with the words “NO ENTRY” marked clearly on the road I assumed this would have been a clear message to any driver. That and the no entry and one way signs all around us.

Now here I mistakenly thought by using common sense I would be able to get through to this bint, but sadly not.

“No, you back up and I’ll be out of your way,” she instructed me and rolled her window back up.

It’s points like this where I wish I had a witty response but I had to get back to work – I really wish I’d had the time to just sit and see if she’d eventually crack, just for the “shits and giggles” the young people always talk of. In the end I decided I couldn’t be bothered and reversed back to let her past, as did the others – at which point she waved to thank me but with a heavy layer of sarcasm spread over the gesture. I took a photo of her reg plate to make a point but don’t see the benefit in wasting anyone’s time with it.

Why is it that women drivers of a certain age seem to think they automatically have the right of way on the road, or with parking spaces? I do hate to generalise but more often than not it’s “Ladies who lunch” or the bat-shit crazy, recently divorced, peroxide laden, trowelled make-up, too much perfume wifies (or often the two combined).

I thought I was the bigger person by letting her past, but then I thought no I want to be a childish, insolent prick about it – hence this blog. I have to say I do feel better now for it. Bitch.


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