Moving on? Not really

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art-of-moving-on

It looks like we made it…but we didn’t. Every time you emerge from the other side of a depressive episode it might appear to the outside world that you are back on your feet and things are good again, but it’s not as simple as that. Damage has been done: to yourself, those around you and even people you wouldn’t think of.

My last depressive state was the worst I’ve experienced and I’m only now really out the other side of it. Three months of uncertainty, loneliness, anger, loss, confusion, sadness, emptiness and regrets slowly ebbed away to leave me where I am now: more uncertainty. I don’t know if I’ve leveled off and am in a “normal” state or if I am heading toward the manic room.

What hurts the most – to quote another song – is the impact those three months had. I hurt people around me as they worried about my situation, feared the worst could happen and were directly affected by my actions and moods. You cause their mental health to suffer as you battle with your own. This then turns the spotlight back on you and the guilt flares up.

But it needs to be addressed. As someone who lives with Bipolar there needs to be a clear message sent out to say that you can call us out on our moods and behaviour. If you live with someone who is struggling don’t bottle up your own feelings because there is no sense at all in everyone suffering. You must speak to your loved ones – even if you worry it could make things worse.

If you are open and honest and approach the subject early you will find that we are more receptive than you thought. If someone you love is going through a tough time but is on medication or getting help then you should be free to open up to them about the impact they are having on others. It will maybe shock them just how bad things have become, but in the long-term everyone involved will be better off for it.

Writing it down makes it seem easy, and in reality I know that people will be hesitant to be as forward as I am suggesting. If you are seriously concerned about the person’s well-being you have to act and not leave it festering. You could write it down or speak to the person with a couple of other people to support both of you. Not talking about it is not the answer.

I know I rattle off a few hundred words a time on here about it but it’s a selfish thing really; I’m trying to deal with my own illness rather than worry about others. And it’s okay to say you’re “not okay”, that you are struggling with life – but you have to make sure those around you are kept in the loop and know you are attending appointments, taking medications. Avoiding the issue doesn’t help anyone involved.

For the person with the mental health issue, here are three bits of advice:

  1. Speak about your situation with someone you trust
  2. Allow them to speak openly and honestly with how your behaviour is impacting on their life
  3. Accept that you can’t get through the problem on your own

If you are the person supporting someone with mental illnesses:

  1. Understand that they do not always know what they are doing to others – it’s often unintentional. Telling them will hurt them, but that’s okay.
  2. Listen, but don’t be afraid to challenge them if you don’t agree; they’re not babies you can be honest with them
  3. Remember it’s an illness and it cannot be stopped just through will power – they will need help and you should support them with that.

Again it seems simple to put it in three points for each side, but know that this is a starting point from which life will get better. Do nothing and the problem will only get worse and then you are going to be in a situation where it might be too late to tackle things.

To the sufferers, remember it’s highly unlikely that it is your fault that you are living with mental illness. You need to face up to it and deal with it before it takes total control of you. Health professionals and your friends and family will be much more receptive than you think they will be – they won’t judge you and you’ll find it will be a relief for many around you that you are able to explain your behaviour.

With so many people living with mental health issues these days you are less alone than you know. Us nutters are all around and you should own up to being part of the club – you’ll find that we are a welcoming group that is happy to help anyone who points out their membership card.

JD

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